If you are like me, you struggle with a destructive habit of enabling people. Mostly you don’t recognize it because you’re so used to it. When you do see the pattern you feel totally helpless as to how to break the cycle.
I’ll pass on one suggestion that helps me sometimes. And by all means, feel free to share you suggestions below because they may help someone else, including me.
I cannot control another person’s behavior. I can’t make them be nice, respectful, more responsible, or less angry.
What I can control, though, is my response.
If I’ve been chewed up and spit out a thousand times or more, I can say this. “You may speak calmly to me, and I will listen. If you raise your voice at me anymore, though, I am going to just get up and quietly walk out of the room.” See? I’m not telling them to change a thing. I’m only saying what I am going to do.
It is probably better to tell them this when things are calm, not in the heat of the moment.
And they may get even more angry at first, but if you hold your ground, they will realize that they must speak calmly if they want you to listen.
Or, “I’ve loaned you _________ 35 times because you truly needed it, and I care about you. Now you need to get your own _________. I’ve done what I feel I’m responsible to do, and way above and beyond that. If you don’t purchase your own and it puts you in a terrible bind, I’m not going to rescue you next time. The problem will be on you then, not me, because I’ve given you plenty of advance notice.”
Again, I’m only saying what I am going to do or not do. I’m not trying to control them or change them at all. You may get called very nasty things, and guilt tripped like never before. If you hold your boundary — and it will be tested — eventually they will stop. And you will be a little more free.
Free Spirit Seed Company 