Proverbs 20:5
“The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.”
How does one go about drawing out the purposes of someone else’s heart?
Consider what makes us open up to others. First of all, it must be drawn out, not forced out. It means they share because they want to. How does one accomplish that?
If you’re like me, you probably share the intentions in your heart with people you feel safe around. That means we, too, must be safe. That means we avoid interrupting. We don’t shoot their idea down or say it’s a bad idea unless they’ve given us the right to. It means we’re always like that. That’s our daily habit. We treat everyone that way all the time.
To say it another way, we demonstrate love as God defines it in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. We are patient and kindhearted, for example. Would people describe you as patient? We don’t insist on always having things our way. We try not to be irritable. Most of us don’t share our hearts with people who like to brag, so we would want to avoid being like that.
Another idea is to simply ask them. Many times we would probably be happy to share what’s on our hearts, but we don’t — just because nobody ever asked. And if we wouldn’t open up on the first go around, we might if they keep asking.
Gradually building rapport can be quite effective. With very rare exceptions, most of us took some time to warm up to our best friends. It didn’t happen all at once. They were trustworthy once, and that made us feel more comfortable around them. So then we opened up a little more. After a few weeks or months passed, we gradually trusted them more and more. They didn’t just barge into our lives on day one expecting to know our deepest, darkest secrets.
One last suggestion would be to ask deliberate, thoughtful questions like, “I noticed you responded to the situation in this way, not that way. I don’t believe I would’ve thought of that. Help me see it from your perspective.” Or one could inquire about a hypothetical scenario, specifically asking things that would get at a person’s motives. “I saw so-and-so on TV and they said XYZ. What is your opinion, and if you don’t mind sharing, how did you come to believe that?”
Many of these ideas will also work in our interactions with our Heavenly Father. Is he more likely to reveal new things to us if we get angry about what he’s already shown us? We must be patient and wait for him. We must be humble before him. Sometimes we can simply ask, research it in the Bible, and never give up till he answers.
”Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.“
Jeremiah 33:3 ESV
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